Was riding up into the mountains recently -- four of us altogether in the car, two men and two women -- to a meditation program. Of the two men, one was someone who often feels challenging, for me, to be around: his way of speaking, as I perceive it, is frequently laced with a kind of confrontational anger and abrasive sarcasm that tends to "hook" me, to trigger a "fight or flight" reaction. So I was watching this, in myself, feeling not entirely comfortable sharing the ride with him, a part of me wishing it were otherwise.
Then the other woman in the car -- a longtime Aikido practitioner -- asked this man a question, about the place he was currently living, saying something like "How are things at [name-of-residence]?" And the man answered, with heavy sarcasm, saying something like "Well, it's still standing." I felt myself contract, internally, wondering what was going to happen next. The Aikido-woman didn't move, energetically, and simply said "hmmm."
Then the man, who was sitting in the front seat, turned around to look directly at Aikido-woman, who was sitting in the back seat, and added, "but I'm sure that wasn't the kind of answer you were looking for." The tone of voice and energy behind his words made them a verbal attack, an invitation for confrontation, for battle, or at the very least for an exchange riddled with friction. I felt myself holding my breath, silently grateful that it was Aikido-woman and not me who was currently in the line of fire.
What happened next was so beautiful, such an inspiring example of verbal Aikido: Not for an instance losing her fluid-strong energetic center, Aikido-woman let there be a long pause, then chuckled gently and said, "Well, it's always good to hear that the building is still standing." She had taken the energy of his attack and, using his own words, returned it to him, with clarity, precision, equanimity, spacious humor and kindness. As a result, the potential "battle" never happened, was defused completely. Silently I bowed to Aikido-woman, in gratitude for her masterful demonstration.
~ * ~
(Is the moon always full, or not?)
Thanks for the great example of verbal aikido. I believe verbal aikido is one of the most powerful tools available to maintain peace and diffuse confrontation in virtually any relationship.