Truth & Perception

I love Zhuangzi, not so much for his answers, as for the questions that he poses – challenges to my habitual ways of thinking and perceiving. Like a good friend, he offers playful invitations to expansion and deepening – to new ways of seeing, new ways of understanding or not-knowing, new ways of doing this thing called “being human.”

In a world in which deceit, dishonesty, and subtle or not-so-subtle manipulation of the facts of specific situations has become commonplace, to even know what it means to be committed to (relative not-to-mention absolute) Truth, feels really challenging, sometimes. Yet is this not what our deepest hunger is for? The source of deepest satisfaction?

“Seeing is believing” – the hallowed (haloed?) motto of empiricism – might seem like a good place to start. And maybe it is. Yet, in my experience, it only takes us so far …

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I’ve been having a strange experience, recently, in my work (as an acupuncturist) with clients. As I sit facing a client (or observing another practitioner with his/her client) my initial impression, very strong, is: fundamentally, there’s nothing at all that is “wrong.” Now this way of seeing is quite independent of the particular circumstances that brought the person in, to ask for assistance. They might be reporting suffering from a common cold, or from cancer. Minor or major complaints alike, this perception that it’s really not a problem, is the same.

In light of there not “really” being a problem, there is then a feeling of absurdity and/or embarrassment that arises, in my “posing” as a healer. At best it feels like a joke. At worst, like I’m actually exacerbating the so-called problem – making it more real than it actually is – by agreeing to play this part in the drama.

Then I begin to feel a bit insane, or at the very least that I am utterly lacking in compassion. And very aware that when it is me who is in the role of a client – when I’m suffering from some kind of physical and/or emotional imbalance – I most definitely want it to be taken seriously, and as quickly as possible “fixed.” Yet here I am, when the roles are reversed, failing to take (completely) seriously the complaint of the person in front of me.

Zhuangzi, help me! (What is the “truth” of this situation?)

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Several years back I was traveling with a friend, through New Mexico and Arizona. We spent a day at Canyon de Chelly – sacred ground for the Navajo – a serenely beautiful place, on the surface, yet soaked with a tumultuous history, including some exceedingly bloody battles.

As we approached the canyon, driving along a winding road, the rocky escarpments on either side began, in my vision, to morph and swirl … emerging as a mountain of skulls. Everywhere I looked, the contours of the rocks appeared as skulls. Now of course I knew, intellectually, that they were just rocks. Yet the experience of seeing them as skulls was so vivid, and disconcerting, that I very quickly just stopped looking -- averted my eyes.

Once we arrived at the visitor’s station, a small group of us were led, by a Navajo guide, into the canyon itself – with its sheer rock-faces and remains of stone settlements, carved right into the cliffs. The color of the cliffs, and most of the soil, is – because of its specific mineral content -- a deep crimson. Shallow streams, creeks and rivulets run through the canyon, with water that is just as red as the soil and cliffs.

Immediately I began to “see” these streams and creeks as rivers of blood. The perception – as with the rock-skulls – was “real” enough to produce visceral effects. I felt dizzy and nauseous, engulfed in a kind of panic and profound sadness. At several points on the tour we had to cross the shallow streams, on foot. I’m now walking in blood, was the thought that arose – even as I told myself, it’s only water.

If my friend Zhuangzi were here, I would ask him: which perception was the true perception – blood or water? (Am I a woman who just dreamt she was a butterfly, or a butterfly now dreaming she's a woman?)